Will the real Dale Cooper please stand up?
by Tali-Sarah
Summary: A slightly different take on season 3 that answers the question, "where is Audrey?". "Just because people were breathing didn't mean they were alive. Audrey didn't try to remember when had she became so cynical anymore; she accepted that she had left her starry eyes with her youth shortly after Dale had gone."
1. Chapter 1

Will the real Dale Cooper please stand up?

Note: A slightly different take on season 3 that answers the question, "where is Audrey?". No real spoilers because I made most of it up and it barely references episode 3 but it helps if you've seen it.

Super special thanks to Julia for the editing!

* * *

"Well I'm Audrey Horne, and I get what I want."

The flat, humourless laugh that followed dissipated in the small bland hotel room as Special Agent Audrey Horne stared unblinking in the mirror. She knew she was being punished; sent across the country on a low level case to keep her out of the way. The Agency had called it a breakdown and the only reason she still had a job was because Gordon and Albert had fought for her.

It had been many years since she'd met Denise; wide-eyed at the thought of female agents and the possibility of something outside of Twin Peaks. There had been college and training at the Bureau followed by entry into a club that was almost exclusively for the boys. She had learnt that Denise trod a different path, one that came with a different set of rules and discrimination. Not everyone reacted with acceptance the way Special Agent Dale Cooper had.

Despite this she had been good, the best even. Rising through the ranks and becoming a highly successful forensic psychologist. Twenty five years of learning and growing and changing, but never once forgetting.

Until the dreams started.

At first her colleagues started to whisper about how tired she looked, and then how distracted. Someone filed a complaint and she found herself on the other side of the glass. The fall from grace was swift and devastating.

The outcome? This hellhole. A small gang had been committing armed robberies in casinos across state borders and the FBI had been brought in to assist. Two weeks cooped up in a beige nightmare profiling a group who seemed to be getting away with it through sheer luck instead of having any actual skill or plan.

Special Agent Audrey Horne was thoroughly sick of it. But, luckily for her someone had actually gotten sick. Two of the agents on the case had ordered the seafood platter and it all went downhill from there. Audrey was their only option until reinforcements arrive. So for the second day in a row she hit the casino floor, escaping from the confines of the hotel room to do some actual field work.

In some ways it reminded her of One-Eyed Jack's and she had to still for a moment to let the memory pass. Her special agent was gone, and there was no point in wasting the energy remembering. After all he already haunted her dreams enough these days.

The flashing lights and loud sounds were exhausting and she found herself practically sleep walking across the casino floor to get back to her accommodation. In the distance she heard a slot machine go off and she silently congratulated whatever dreg of society managed to keep their addiction going for another day.

Just because people were breathing didn't mean they were alive. Audrey didn't try to remember when had she became so cynical anymore; she accepted that she had left her starry eyes with her youth shortly after Dale had gone.

She saw the figure in her peripheral vision before they collided, nothing more than a mass of black. Casino patrons were often so disoriented they didn't know up from down but her patience had run out. As she turned to scold, blue eyes met brown.

"Call for help...Audrey...Call for help."

* * *

She managed to get them both back to her room without incident, her heart hammering in her chest. She sat him on the bed and took a step back. The old Audrey would have been overjoyed to see the man in front of her while Special Agent Audrey was older and wiser and not about to take anything at face value.

He sat there looking at her expectantly, those same pools of chocolate she once would have given her right arm to drown in, kind but blank. The man in front of her looked like Dale Cooper although older than when they had last met and considerably less switched on.

He hadn't uttered her name again since that first moment in the casino and Audrey wished she hadn't given up smoking so she had something to distract herself with. She took a tentative step towards him and knelt down and asked, "Who are you?"

"Call for help."

She sighed and stood up again but this time he stood with her. From his pocket he produced something and placed it in her hand when she looked all the air was knocked from her lungs. The room key to _The Great Northern Hotel_ , room 315 felt solid in her palm and all of a sudden she was young again.

She cried. The tears were there before she knew it, prickin her eyes lids and defiantly running down her cheeks. The shell of Cooper tentatively raised his hand and brushed the tears away, making her cry harder. It was him, she knew it was. She didn't know why he had suddenly showed up in her path and she had no idea how, but the man in front of her was _her_ special agent. The only problem was he didn't seem to know who he was or what he was doing.

"Call for help…"

Audrey squared her shoulders and took a breath, "Yes Special Agent Dale Cooper, I'm going to call for help." His smile breaks her heart into a million little pieces.

* * *

Nervously tapping her finger against the back of her cell Albert thankfully picks up on the third ring. His shock is evident as he dryly explains that they too had found Cooper after a car accident alerted the authorities to his location.

Both Gordon and Albert had agreed there was something off about their Cooper, the plan was to take their version to see Sarah Palmer, who has somewhat of a gift for seeing the evil in people. He suggested she do the same and that they could meet up in Twin Peaks.

She checks her iPhone and stares at the picture of the man Gordon has just sent through. The face staring back looks like Dale Cooper on the surface, she can't help but think that the straight laced man she knew never would have such long hair or orange tan. But it's his eyes, they're dark and soulless. The Cooper sitting across from her, confused and empty, his eyes are kind.

They agree not to let their respective Cooper's know about the other, the potential for danger being too high. She makes arrangements for travel on her tablet and realises that it's far too late and she's far too tired. The wary older Audrey wonders what to do with the man in front of her while she sleeps, the tiny part of her soul that is fast being hijacked by the younger Audrey says to hell with it.

The decision made for her she makes her way around the bed with him echoing her movements. As she grabs the corner of the quilt he does so too and they find each other laying face to face. Of all the times she had fantasized about getting Dale Cooper into bed this was not how she pictured it, the thought makes her laugh and he looks at her quizzically before doing the same.

Exhaustion wins out and before she knows it sleep takes a hold. For the first time in a long while, Special Agent Audrey Horne doesn't have nightmares about a red room with black and white flooring.


	2. Chapter 2

The morning sun wakes her and for a moment she's disorientated, this type of rest is a comfort she's been denied for months. She looks over, scared that he had been a hallucination but Cooper is asleep on the opposite side of the bed. Slipping out quietly, she makes her way into the bathroom, stepping into the shower.

Audrey thinks about the journey ahead, Twin Peaks is over 17 hours away by car. It would be far less exhausting to fly into Spokane but Cooper has no ID, meaning that idea was gone as fast as it had materialized. Mentally ticking off a to-do list she determines that if they have breakfast and pick the rental car they should be on the road in two hours.

Wrapping herself in a towel Audrey steps out of the shower and comes face to face with a silent Cooper and she lets out an involuntary scream. He screams too. For the first time she wonders if she's doing the right thing, last night her only instinct had been to get him somewhere safe. Perhaps she should have taken him to the hospital instead, but the presence of a second Cooper tells her there is more to the situation than an old friend having a stroke. At least she hopes so.

She gently turns him around as she gets dressed and then leads him back into the bedroom. He smiles at her gently, the lines around his eyes crinkling and she can't help but return the gesture. Reaching out his hand he awkwardly places it on her chest just below her right collarbone and opens his mouth. Audrey finds herself holding her breath, pulse quickening,

"Audrey...Audrey Horne."

"Yes! That's me, I'm Audrey. Do you remember me?" It's clear to her that he doesn't remember much of anything but somewhere in his brain he's managing to access something. She reaches out and mimics his behaviour with her hand on his chest, "and you're Dale Cooper."

He looks between the two hands, "Dale Cooper...Audrey Horne...Dale Cooper...Audrey Horne."

"That's a good start."

* * *

She orders rooms service, and it comes as no great shock that, while they wait for breakfast to arrive that she has to teach him how to shower. She takes comfort in the fact that he appears to be learning, taking in whatever she throws at him and filing it away for future use.

The coffee is black and the bacon damn near cremated and Cooper alternates between the plate and her for guidance. The inky liquid proves too much for the Dale and Audrey finds herself adding more cream and sugar to his cup until his frown lines disappear.

"Audrey... Sponge?" Dale's voice makes her look up from her plate and she can't help but laugh. He's holding a waffle and gesturing towards it.

"That bad huh? No, that's a waffle. You eat it, not wash with it." He starts to gnaw on the corner and Audrey feels like her heart is in her throat. Special Agent Audrey Horne promises herself in that moment that she will do anything to keep him safe.

* * *

She may also kill him before the day ends. He alternates between silence and pointing out every rock for half an hour straight and Audrey can't help but feel she's trapped in the world's slowest and most obvious game of eye spy. After three hours on the road she pulls the Jeep Grand Cherokee into a gas station to fill up and grab supplies. She leans over for her handbag and pauses, flicks the radio on for Cooper and locks the doors with the remote as she walks into the store.

Audrey is anxious and as she waits in line to pay, she can't help but think she should have put the child lock on as well before leaving him alone. Perhaps she can slip a tracking device on him, she'll be damned if she loses him again.

He's still in the car when she makes her way back and Audrey releases the breath she is holding.

"Audrey?"

"Yes Dale?"

"My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, and they're like, It's better than yours, damn right it's better than yours, I can teach you, but I have to charge." He looks so proud at his monotone rendition and she reaches out to squeeze his hand.

"It's a damn fine milkshake Agent Cooper."


	3. Chapter 3

She steps out of the motel room and closes the door gently behind her, her phone buzzing. Audrey sighs and answers.

"Special Agent Aud…."

"What the hell do you think you're doing?!" The husky voice of Denise fires down the phoneline.

"It's funny you should ask me that…"

"Don't play smart with me, you're lucky I'm not hauling you in for this. The replacement agents said you up and left, I've had Gordon texting me that there are two Cooper's… Audrey Horne, start talking."

Switching the phone to the other ear, Audrey slides down the wall to sit on the doorstep, pulling at an invisible thread on her pants once she's settled.

"Oh Denise, it's him, I just know it is." She can hear the Chief of Staff sigh and she holds her breath.

"Audrey, you sound like you're eighteen again. Don't let your judgement be clouded because you want it to be Cooper. What has this man said to you?"

"Not much. He knows my name but that's about all, he was barely capable of speech when we ran into each other. If I'm honest he's not all there, and it goes beyond classic amnesia. It's like he forgot how to be a person. But he's learning, you have to believe me…"

"It's not that I don't believe you…" the sound of a chair creaking echoes through the phone, "it's just that this is all highly unusual."

"It's Blue Rose Denise, when isn't it unusual?" Both women find themselves chuckling together. "I'm meeting Gordon and Albert in Twin Peaks, please let me do this?"

"You have one week Special Agent Audrey Horne and one week only! Keep me updated… and tell Coop I said hi."

* * *

She goes for a walk to clear her head and get some dinner for them both. She's been lucky and she knows it, Denise is well within her rights to order her back kicking and screaming.

Slipping the key into the door, Audrey almost drops the bag of food from the diner down the road and she gently toes the door open while she recovers. Cooper is napping on the bed, the only light in the room is the bedside lamp she had turned on before it got dark.

He's real and he's the most beautiful sight she's ever seen. She absentmindedly reaches into the bag and eats a fry and almosts chokes when he makes a noise.

"Diane, it appears that I've been tricked. My doppelgänger isn't back in the Lodge…"

Audrey tiptoes across the room and leans over his sleeping form. He's definitely asleep and he just uttered an actual sentence. She feels giddy, Dale Cooper is in there somewhere. Holding her breath she waits but nothing more comes, he must sense her presence though and starts to blink awake.

After twenty five years trapped in The Black Lodge, Special Agent Dale Cooper opens his eyes to see Audrey standing over him and grinning like a fool.

"Audrey Horne, you are a sight to behold."


	4. Chapter 4

It takes everything she has not to kiss him right then and there but there is a little part of Audrey's brain that screams at her that maybe she doesn't want to overwhelm him completely. So instead she settles for squeezing his hand as she sits on the bed next to where he's laying.

He squeezes back and doesn't let go, eyes never leaving her face, he finds her grin contagious. But just like that it starts to slip and Audrey finds her heart trying to break free of her chest and panic grips her insides.

"Oh Audrey," he closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, "you're all grown up."

"I told you to watch out Dale Cooper, I was always going to find you once I did. It may have taken me a little longer than I would have liked but here we are!" The words that come out are far more confident than she feels.

With a sad smile he sits up slowly, shuffling back towards the headboard for support.

"How long has it been?"

"You've been missing for 25 years."

His sharp intake of breath pierces the air but he soon looks resigned. "I can't say I'm surprised it's been that long if I'm honest…Time didn't seem to exist anymore but it felt like a lifetime."

Audrey's voice startles him from his musing, "What do you remember?"

"I remember being in The Black Lodge, Laura Palmer returned...There was this strange being, almost a tree with a brain." He looked embarrassed, "You must think I'm insane."

"No, not insane. I've worked with Gordon long enough now to hardly be surprised, Blue Rose and all, you know..."

Audrey can pinpoint the exact moment it all falls into place for Cooper, the realisation lighting up his chocolate eyes. The embarrassment and sorrow give way to something entirely different, pride and affection.

"Audrey Horne, you became an agent!" The statement is so matter of fact and reminds her of all those years ago in Twin Peaks.

"Well I couldn't let Denise have all the fun now, could I?" Smiling coyly she leans towards him slightly, "She says hi by the way."

* * *

Sitting opposite each other at the rickety motel table, picking at burgers and fries and stealing glances, Special Agent's Audrey Horne and Dale Cooper find themselves hypnotized by the hum of outside traffic and the presence of each other.

It's Cooper that breaks the silence first, "The last few days were like being in a fog. I wasn't capable of finding my way through, but you were my beacon. It was like some force was pushing me in a certain direction and when I got there it was you and I knew I was safe. I was a stranger in my own body."

Dropping the fry in her hand back on the plate, she reaches over and skims her fingers along his. "I get the feeling I'm an important part of this story Agent Cooper."

He looks at her earnestly, "You always were important Audrey, I hope you know that."

Flushing from the compliment that makes her feel like a teenager again, she attempts to hide it by taking a sip from her drink. An odd look overcomes his features at her action and his next words have her trying not to spit the beverage across the room.

"Audrey, why is the milkshake bringing the boys to the yard?"


End file.
